I want to make a zoo with you.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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