He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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