remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
