I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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