Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
