I wannas sexs uuuuu
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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