Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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