Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
