i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
