Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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