Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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