i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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