Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
