Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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