Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize