ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
