I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
