fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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