For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
