Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
