I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
