Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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