party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize