An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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