Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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