Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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