there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
