glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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