i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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