Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
