remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
