You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
