i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
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