Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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