i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize