he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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