Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
