Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
