seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
