She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
