That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
