My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
