dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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