Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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