Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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