i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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