It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
