im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
