david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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