You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
too bad you live with your parents still
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Randomize
