Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize