I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
