She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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