She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
