we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
