Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
