Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
