so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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