i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
