yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
