So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
