The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
