Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
