Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
