we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
