What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
