You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I don't deserve a penis
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
