i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i wish my penis had a tongue
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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