the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
