Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
