So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
