hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
