cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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