Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
