Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize