I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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