So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
