I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
there's paper in my vomit.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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