Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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