I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
