I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
