I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
