Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
